In the weekly magazine of the Resolute Guide! column, we take a look at a crucial pop culture question you’ve been dying to know the answer to – and sort it out.
First of all, a housekeeping question: the most played song is not just the one that has been played the most. In terms of Spotify streams, that would make Ed Sheeran’s Shape of You, with 2.8 billion listen. On YouTube, it’s Baby Shark Dance with 8.5 billion views, because it is of course. While you’d rather pour melted sugar into your ears than submit to these rhythmic buccaneers, they aren’t, by definition, overkill. Each of these currents was presumably intentional, undertaken by people who wished to endure them. If any of these songs play automatically on your phone, you can turn it off. Or paint it silver and leave it out for magpies. It is entirely up to you.
It is only when the personal agency is removed that a song really becomes a problem. This is why every Christmas becomes a test of his ability not to burst into tears upon hearing the first chime of Fairytale of New York. That’s the essence of the overplayed song: Fairytale is fantastic – most overplayed songs once have been – but there comes a point, around December 20, where you wonder if that could be the ” song of Galway Baaaay ”which finally advises you on the edge. The overplayed song is an assault. Every Christmas tune, with the exception of Joni Mitchell’s River, most definitely qualifies.
So, do his references to good song made bad by show make Fairytale of New York the most overplayed? Well, no, for two reasons: As one of the less objectionable Christmas carols, it spares you the Cliff Richard and Paul McCartney double show jumping, which means that when it does, it does. is sometimes welcome. And Christmas carols are also only a problem for one admittedly horrible month a year. The real offenders are the persistent irritants, ready to ruin your day if you walk into the wrong store at the wrong time or dare to turn on the commercial radio, rain or shine. You know those. Those those.
To be lucky. Hotel California. Smells like Teen Spirit. 9 to 5. Sex on fire. My heart Will Go On. Live on a prayer. Wonderwall. Don’t stop me now. Everyone has their own ignominy playlist, and yours may not feature any of the above. This is, of course, very subjective. There is one, however, who is – empirically – the most egregious offender of all. There it is, on the radio. In the supermarket. In the pub. Office. In a taxi. Rubbing through the wall of your neighbors. In the background on reality shows, dramas, soap operas, documentaries. Souffle at every party or wedding you will attend for the rest of your life.
Even as a relatively recent publication, last month it set a new record as the oldest chart in history, spending 260 weeks in the Top 100. It came out in 2004, and it’s… still… just… on, all the time, everywhere, there’s no escape. The nations will fall, the oceans will rise, the sun will scorch the earth ocher and, after all, you will be genuflecting before a destroyed Statue of Liberty, the loincloth barely obscuring your nethers, and this is where you will hear it. That squeaky, treble guitar, followed by: “Coming out of my cage, and I’m doing great!”
It’s Mr Sodding Brightside. Damn, the killers! God condemns you all to hell!